I hiked up to Pawnee Pass (elevation 12,700 ft.) this week.  The tundra above tree-line is entering its autumnal phase of dark reds and browns.  Coupled with the rocky aspect of the area, things were not looking very verdant. It was a cool 55 degrees up on the pass.

Niwot Ridge above treeline. The gold colors are a harbinger of autumn.

It’s seems like every year at this time, I become a little bit manic, oscillating between angsty elation and quiet introspection.  The volume control on my dreams is cranked way up. I need some quiet inside my head.

Mother Ptarmigan keeping an eye on me and her three chicks that are nearby. In the winter she will turn all white.

I have a big birthday that ends with a ‘0’ coming up. I know it’s just a number, but I’m starting to feel a generational gap. I used to feel that pretty much anybody over the age of 20 was still in “my group”.  Perhaps being single makes me more delusional in that regard.   These days I’m starting to feel there is a more of a boundary to the lower end of “my group.”

At the top, Lefthand Reservoir. Below that is Long Lake. Unnamed lake at the bottom.

I’m okay with that. It’s just a bit of perspective shift. The views of life from up on the pass were great!

6 thoughts on “Introspection

  1. I always enjoy when you go for a hike! I get to see the photographs.:)

    The ‘0″ coming up, I found to be a good decade. I liked more about me, felt more comfortable as me. It was as if I grew into who I was, and it was a good fit.

    This decade, I find I am much more tolerant of those in their twenties and thirties. Perhaps because my two are there, and I can see them and their friends as adults, not just as my children. I like that…I think it is a good perspective.

    Hope you have a good birthday when it comes, and that the coming decade is a positive one.


    • I like me and feel comfortable as me, but I have some difficulty with figuring out where I fit with respect to the rest of society. It’s easy to brush it off and say it doesn’t matter, but in some small way it nags at me. And maybe living in a small town magnifies it. I’m still figuring it out.

      Thanks for the birthday/decade wishes!


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